Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
