Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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