I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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