how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
