he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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