Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize