i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
