im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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