Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
nutella sex= disaster
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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