I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
