My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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