you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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