3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
