it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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