I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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