this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
