It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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