im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
