yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
