I am midnight drunk by noon
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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