were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.