Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i barfeds in our rink
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers