I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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