Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the raccoons are back...
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