one two three fourrrrnication!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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