My nipple is on Facebook.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
