I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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