i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize