oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
zippers are such a cool invention
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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