dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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