you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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