Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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