I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
