So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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