Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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