we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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