I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
