Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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