youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yo dont text me then not text me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
