Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
