Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think my mom watched the whole time
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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