I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
