i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
