.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
