I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
