Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
