All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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