Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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