just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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