Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
