I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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