Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
