the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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