i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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