I wish I could punch you in the face.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
