You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
