I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
