He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
