to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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