She went from zero to smokin in five shots
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
