I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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