oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
