after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
