Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Someone signed my nipple.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize