shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella