how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
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counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything