guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
