My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
