I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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