just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
