Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
